#141 New Year

I don't think "New Year's" is a big deal. It's arbitrary.

Someone, somewhere said..."let's stop here" and begin again. Total shit .

It's a New Year every day. Every second. We choose, moment to moment what we will and what we won't. Right or wrong....correctable in that expanse. Or, rather forgiven or ignored.

Usually we take the New Year's holiday to reflect and look ahead. It's amazing it's a holiday to be honest. It's ridiculous. We're literally celebrating the next day. These years, numbers, dates, they mean nothing.

Constructs of a world where days mean more than seconds. I'm sure we've all had seconds that felt like hours and days like felt like minutes. A New Year is simply perhaps, a reminder....time is passing. Time to reassess.

Anyway. My post this year isn't the same as the others since cancer. There comes a time when the snake must shed its skin. Truly forget the past and move in to a new becoming. This is me. Now.

Last "year" I made a lot of mistakes, but I also made a lot of good choices.

There are some people in your life who are stepping stones and others who are sponges.

You can't spend too much time with either...you'll sink. Regardless of their intention or your opinion of them. Some people and circumstances are simply a way to progress, thank them and move on.

I guess it's about knowing when to jump to the next idea, or attitude or goal. Or when to get out of the water.

For me this year.....a fine line between sinking and swimming. I spent more time waiting for a lifeguard than I did swimming like I know I can.

To the lifeguards in my life: it might have been a conversation, or a hand held, or kiss and hug, or a compliment.....you saved me from sinking when you may not have seen I was; however, I was at my worst and you cared for me. Thank you.

For the swimmers.....thank you for being examples and people who will always swim beside me. Thank you for the empathy and the encouragement. Thank you for your unwavering support and strength.

Life is a strange thing...we're blessed with it but people like me take decades to figure it out.

I hope...tomorrow....I wake up to a better version of me.

I'm letting go of the cancer identity and looking around, figuring out who I am now. I'm not going to mention cancer anymore unless someone asks, I'm not even thinking about it. It gets no more energy from me.

What now attracts me are smiles, happy people, new experiences and love.

To all of you who over the past years have been my source of support and encouragement through your comments and cards....thank you. More than you'll ever know.

I don't think I have cancer anymore.....I don't feel it here. I feel a wiser, more modest, more committed and more self-assured woman. I feel tomorrow.

I'm going to keep feeling them for quite some time.....

New Year....nah.....just another wonderful day to be alive.

My love and gratitude to you all....and wishes always for a happy tomorrow. XO