I haven't written in so long.
Truth... I just had so much to say but yet nothing at all that I felt was relevant.
It's like I want to say it all and yet when I try to explain I feel unable.
I think this is what they call writer's block. It's torture.
Bear with me.....you're not going to get all the answers you're looking for, but you will understand why you aren't.
I'm going to make a statement that might be confusing.
It's not easy surviving cancer. It's not a "poor me". It's true.
I know that sounds like shit. Most will tell you: "You should be so happy!".
I am. I'm also deep down prepping for the other shoe to drop.
It's impossible to understand what I mean: I'm so happy to be alive; yet, I'm so afraid to be sick, to be on the other side of a bad report.
It doesn't mean I'm not grateful and so happy for my good news, but....I have PTSD
The only people who will understand this feeling are those who have been diagnosed.
It never ends. The darkness.......
Something else that never ends though....is the light.
She comes like an angel, every day.
Today I sat and looked out over the Mountain Brow, just looking, thinking.
The sun hit just right, I saw families, lovers....people just enjoying the moment.
It was everything to me. Life in a snapshot. A microcosm of joy, a sliver of light.
It was not only my face to the sun; but also, my back to the darkness.
I've spent years looking over my shoulder, fearing that monster.
Today, I spent some time with the sun on my face.
Keeping things light.......
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