Ah.. I do love the weather network. I watch daily. Sometimes I believe it. I like the conversation before the big storms. "Ohh.....30cm tomorrow did you hear?". Yeah. I heard.
Being from the Soo. The Southern Ontario Snow Storm Alerts don't tend to really uproot my plans, but being an amateur weather watcher....I tended to agree that perhaps there was indeed snow on the way. I was monitoring the radar. LOL.
I was also keenly aware that I had a surgery scheduled for 2pm Tuesday. I've been on soups and fibre for days and was just watching....... I went to sleep at 9pm Monday. Just to make sure I was well rested. Then every hour I woke up and looked out the window like an old Italian Nona. Checking. I knew I was right. Snow upon fucking snow. For sure the surgeon is sleeping in.
I rolled around in bed until Jason woke up at his usual 5:30, when he'd be at the gym. I said to him...it's a mess out there....and he got on his boots. I said to him "they're going to cancel my surgery". He didn't say much. He just said. "It'll be OK". As he does.
They called at 8 am to tell me... Madeleine came down when she heard me talking. I asked her to open the door to him as he was shovelling and say Mommy's surgery is cancelled. She shut the door, came inside and crawled in my bed and hugged me and kissed me....I told her it was OK. She believed me I could tell. When she told Jason though, I was watching out the window and I could see the look in his eyes. It was like he was hurt too. It's those small moments you see. He loves you. He hurt for me, and I hate it all. For us.
So after that phone call and because it was a snow day, I doubled up the weighted blanket, pulled it over my head and told my kids to find some cereal. Jason came in to help, of course....he's so wonderful. I was just asleep. I expected a surgery today. I was up all night mentally preparing and now what???
Well. I slept until noon. Literally noon. I got up and went to home hardware and got three more shovels. Two for the kids and one for me. We joined Jason who was still outside since 6am. We built a fort, we helped neighbours and we played and played.
We had dinner together and then the kids went back outside to their slide and their fort. I looked through the window, feeling somewhat accomplished....not quite sure why.
Bedtime. Said goodnight to my kids and left their rooms knowing that today was a day they'd remember. I remember. So many laughs and so much joy.
I was so sad this morning when they cancelled my surgery, I just wanted it done. No one saw me or heard me but I cried myself into a morning nap. It's so much stress. Preparing yourself, then at a moments notice everything changing. Like finding out about cancer. In a moment the whole day changes.
When I awoke I realized that today was just that...a gift I had been given in a moments notice. And I am so grateful for it.
It's amazing. The surgery I could've had today....could be in two weeks without too much fuss. But today....today was special.
I am at the end of this day...so grateful for the storm....just like I'm grateful for cancer.
It may sound insane but I am.
It has shown me what's important.
When you make it through the storm, dig out and laugh....the world is a shimmering playground.
Every day.
Never knowing what the next day brings but we love and the next day comes.
We begin again.
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