Bear with me now. It might help if you read this entry while listening to Nirvana's In Bloom on repeat.
I haven't written in a few weeks. Many reasons. Feeling like I don't have much to say.
Whacked out on the after effects of the fentanyl from the anesthetic. Grey days and bullshit. Nothing really to add.
I've slept in for a week or two until around noon. Daylight savings didn't help. Today I awoke.
My most favourite Doctor has been counselling me on the way forward. He's a buddhist, he was an anesthesiologist in Sri Lanka, he's an ND now and runs a very busy clinic here in Hamilton. He gives me my Ivs weekly and he chats with me while he does.
He tells me to have no hope. I found this surprising. No hope? How can it be?
Well it's because hope sets you up for disappointment. Whereas if you take each day as it comes, do all that you can and stop the negative thoughts you're in a much better position to be energetically successful.
We all vibrate at a frequency. Like flowers, or trees, or garbage, or poison or pollution or music or fabric or food prepared or food grown, or plastic or chairs or thoughts. They all vibrate a frequency. It's not a koo koo kadoo way of seeing things. Its science. Everything is composed of protons electrons and neturons. Everything vibrates an energy.
So we and our billion cells vibrate an energy everyday. Thoughts transform the energy through our brains. Negative breeds and attracts negative. Positive breeds and attracts postive.
I have spent hours bredding the positive, my mantra, stopping the negative thoughts when they come. I say to myself "cancer doesn't belong here" and I eschew any thoughts otherwise. I tell my cells I tell the universe and I assure myself that cancer doesn't belong in my body.
Sometimes this is enough, sometimes it isn't. Sometimes despite all we do and say cancer or negativity or cellular breakdown occurs. It's not for a lack of us trying but moreso a need to acknowledge that there's more work for us to do.
Everyone dies. Some people drop dead. Like instantly. What's the sense in that? I don't know. But me.. I have time to contemplate my death. I know it's coming and I'm trying to fend it off for my children but I can't control the big wheel. Meaning I can't manage the positivity and negativity balance in the Universe. I can only do what I can do with my own thoughts.
Cancer is weak. I say it again. Cancer is weak. Is a vibrational, energetic insufficiency. It's a cellular failure, systematic breakdown. I don't know what it takes to defeat it but I'll say this much....the battle is more between the ears than it is between the skull and toes.
Of course if you're not nourishing your cells they can't battle but the body is designed to heal itself and given the right conditions it will, at least persist for a time. As I said, everyone dies.
Cancer, car crashes, CVD, Diabetes, Stroke, CKD you name it. Our bodies aren't designed to last forever. SO this leaves us with today. What will you vibrate?
I don't really know what's going on with my body, I have aches and pains, I have days where I worry but I'll tell you....taking hope off the table has made a huuuuge difference. It's not that I don't feel positive about my future but I have no hope. Meaning I don't hope I just DO.
I do what I can, if that's all....then the rest is up to the Universe and there's nothing more I can do.
My Shaman summons my guiding spirits when I need them I am learning to do it too....my doctors monitor my body...my naturopaths cover the parts left untouched...my therapist encourage me to dive deeply into my thoughts and encourage healing behaviours, my family feeds my soul....I am doing all I can.
What's left?
Tomorrow is the first day of Spring.
Let things grow. Let life continue and don't hope for the future just create it today.
It's truly all we can do.
Everything else is just dreaming and hoping and placing the power somewhere other than between your ears and in your heart and soul.
Like the tulip we have our time in the sunshine....so beautiful and so fleeting.
And in the end....like the tulip we all die....
We have like the tulip...roots and bulbs in the soil for generations to come.
We can't control when or how we die.
However...we absolutely control our thoughts and vibrations each day we're here....LIFE is entirely up to us.
Comments