Like not mean....as in bad, but isn't it?
What do we do in the meantime? How did that ever become an expression? Really. Uh ok.
In the "meantime" I wait. I watch my relatives die and age, lose memories, lose life.....as they live. I wait every 3 months to see if my cancer hasn't progressed. I wait for the CT scans, the bone scans, the blood tests. In the "mean time" I guess I just......exist.
Makes me wonder.....what do I do in the meantime????
In my "meantime" I'm letting go of so many things.
Body Image:
I am not what I see in the mirror. I am so much more. I am a fascinating story, a warrior and a sexy lady. I am not what you see. I am a deliciously deep dive.
Intelligence:
All the Universities in the world can't prepare you to tell your children you have cancer and all the hypnotists can't help them forget when you survive the initial diagnosis. My intellgence is hard core. I've had to look into my children's eyes and not be able to guarantee my existence. No degree in philosophy can ever prepare you for that. You're not smart. You're just good at something.
Life:
I'm letting go of it. Reason being....it's just not something that anyone can guarantee. The only thing you can guarantee to those you love is that you and they will die. It sucks. I'm not suggesting it as an inspirational tale. Or a bedtime story....BUT....it's the only thing you'll really be right about.
Having established we all die, now let's decide how to live.....
Do we fret about the past? Well, no. We can't change that.
Do we worry about the future? Nah....we can't control it can we? As much as we'd like to.
So then what do we do in the MEAN time?
We imagine a life we want.
We watch the flowers bloom, the trees sprout leaves.
We look in the mirror and see someone who is still there. She may not be the conventional ideal but here she is ...... Against all odds.
This isn't the meantime. This is now.
Write. Dance. Create. Love. Live.
It's not the mean time. It's the best time.
Live.
Don't let the sun dappled evenings pass you by, enjoy them.
See how the trees bloom again.
Go to the mirror and see the beautiful person you are.
Don't exist in the MEANtime.
Live in the moment.
That's the TIME.
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