Today the cable guy is here. I caved and decided if I'm going to be stuck here I might as well hear all about the Corona virus and Kobe Bryant first hand from a variety of news sources. I'm developing a hand cramp from holding my phone and watching TV and Netflix bores me, so it's time to Fibe Up.
I got the cancer look when he came to the door and I think the dog sensed that I needed some sort of protection so he stayed sitting right beside me where he remains, instead of on his cozy mat. He's a good old dog. I never liked dogs before this one, and I guess it was just one thing of many I've changed my opinions on over the last two years. I'd say the dog and what a real relationship looks like have been my biggest personal stretches, but there have been others. I try not to speak so quickly, or react in the forked tongued fashion I may have before. I try to take a little more time to let my kids be messy and little. I try to enjoy just a few more small things, like watching a bird fly around or a leaf blow away...as corny as it sounds, there's a certain peace in just watching the world go by.
Cancer really does have a way of making you appreciate the things you might not have before.
These days they pass all too quickly, sick or not...and like those people who died from that Corona Virus or Kobe Bryant and his daughter and those poor people on the helicopter with them. Our days truly are numbered. We don't know when, or how or why but sooner or later we're all going to die, so we might as well enjoy the little things along the way.
Today I had my old lady yoga class and walked there, but after the class I was so exhausted I actually had to sit down on a bench on Concession Street and call Jason to pick me up. I had the immuno-boosting shot yesterday which is supposed to stimulate your bone marrow to produce white blood cells but in return it leaves you feeling achy and tired and sore. And me - not knowing when enough is enough, I pushed forward and not even 12 hours later attempted to walk to yoga and do an hour class.
It was too much. Yet just a month ago I would've felt like that tiny workout wasn't enough to even bother with, yet today it's too much. It's so depressing really. I wonder on days like today how I'm going to get through the next 3 months like this, progressively getting worse.
We also found out that my Dads surgery is in less than a month here in Hamilton and I'm wanting to be in good shape for that as well. It's January and it's grey here in Southern Ontario and I'm not feeling it, to be honest. I didn't write yesterday because I didn't feel like I had anything uplifting or really all that positive to say. But that's the reality of living through chemotherapy and cancer. Tomorrow I have to go for a CT scan to rule out brain cancer, I'm trying not to think about it. There really is nothing I can do. This is life with cancer that isn't cured yet, and hasn't been brought under control.
Some days you don't feel happy, you feel tired and it feels like it sucks. Which it does.
But again, I wasn't on that helicopter Kobe Bryant was, and I'm not clinging to life in some overcrowded Chinese Hospital cut off from everyone. It can always be worse. I remind myself in times like these. I will get through this, I will come out the other side a stronger person.
Maybe not physically, I'm already feeling kind of beaten, but mentally, my game will be strong.
I wonder if the cable guy will maybe give me a few extra channels because of the cancer, I should chat it up. My therapist says it's ok to play the cards you've been dealt, even if it means a few freebies and skipping the line.
I would like Slice TV, it's not included on my package but if anything is going to make me happy to be me it would be an episode of any Housewives show that's for damn sure.
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