It's been almost 3 weeks since I've had chemo. I feel better than I have since the start. I know it's temporary but still....any little chance I have to feel human I take advantage of. I went to old lady yoga and rocked it. Toe touches and up dogs galore. I heartily saluted the sun and didn't feel exhausted afterwards.
Then I went to the Bulk Barn to get ingredients for Rice Krispie chocolate and sprinkle covered pops that I was going to make later. Every year since this one I've been the mom who sent organic strawberries dipped in dairy free fair trade dark chocolate, nutritionist approved. This year I'm throwing it back to 1985. I'm sending my kids with a pile of glucose to the cake raffle. For sure my contribution will be the one most of the kids waste their tickets trying to win. I'll also send my kids with one each for their lunch boxes. Life is short. Treats matter on Valentine's Day. Well, not for me, I'm having chemotherapy, but damn it my kids will have a sugar buzz.
Here's how one looks. I'm going to stick 20 of them in a styrofoam heart in a heart shaped box. Quality treats.
Then I walked to the hospital for my apt with my exercise study. I have to add strength training twice a week to my walking. Building some muscle won't be easy but the strength training will help to prevent lymphedema after they remove all of the lymph nodes that filter my entire right arm. I try not to think about it. It's scarier than the mastectomy. Anyway, I committed to it, which means going back to the gym twice a week. I'm a little afraid of the germs, and feel more and more self conscious about my appearance lately. Here's me current date and time in my chair. No filter. Obviously. lol.
Pardon the high fashion and protruding collarbones. I keep losing weight. A few pounds every few weeks. I've gained a bit back since not having chemo for a bit, but I anticipate it dropping off after this round and I'll have to work to get it back on. I think back to all those times I wished I could lose weight and wasn't happy that I didn't get "thin" quickly. The steroids and chemo cause a wasting look, not a healthy thin. I remember wanting to be thin and often resorting to unhealthy ways to get there. How a little perspective changes things, now I need to make sure I don't get too thin. I need some fat and muscle for surgery, recovery and healing.
Also my hair has really started to thin, you can't see it head on, but here's a top shot. Potato town imminent.
Oh well. It's just hair.
Anyway, after my exercise study appointment I had to go to the lab to get my blood work done to see if I can qualify for chemo this Friday. I was in and out in 10 minutes usually it takes 45 minutes, so I had time to kill. I decided to put some steps on the ol' Fit Bit before my Drs appointment an hour later. 10,000 steps today. Check.
Then I went to see my oncologist. I've been having some odd aches in my breast and under my arm so he measured my tumor and checked the lymph node. It's amazing how they can tell the size of the tumors just by feeling. He said my lymph node is only about 1cm now, which really isn't that big, although, still cancerous and one of many. My primary tumor is now about 4cm, which is a tiny bit smaller than it was a month ago, but it's gotten softer, which is good. The chemo is causing some change for the better. This made me feel positive. Still there but moving in the right direction.
My blood work has returned to normal. I qualify for my infusion this Friday. So as the Dr. said "we stay the course". Steady as she goes.
Then I walked home, feeling not too bad considering how much I'd already done in the day.
I made all the Rice Krispie pops and got dinner ready. It's like I'm back to my old activity level. Never stopping.
While dinner was baking I helped Ari rearrange her room a little, cleaned Madeleine's room and served dinner and then I chatted with my babies before bed, tucked them in and Jason made me some tea. I'm tired. Really tired. I likely will rest some tomorrow as Friday I start the cycle again but I just wanted to feel productive today, and I do.
It's funny how before I would think of a day like today and maybe feel burdened by the domesticity of it all, the simple and repetitive things; today I felt grateful I had some energy to do those things, and help my kids, to show them I'm still Mommy like I was.
I know I'll have good days and bad days, but we all do. Now even the medium days filled with chores and the usual routine are good days for me. I'm not grateful I have cancer, but I am grateful for the lessons it is teaching me.
Everyday doesn't need to be special to be good. It's good right from the start because I get to live another one, and that's special enough.
Comments