#31 Valentine's Day, Love,Sick

I woke up early on Valentine's Day to get my kids presents ready, their little trinkets and a new outfit for red white and pink day. I also needed to put together the collection of goodies I was sending to the school raffle. They were so happy. It was a nice start to the day. A normal one. It's the best I'm going to feel for weeks. I wanted to max it out.

Here they are with their little outfits. Ari refused to wear the white pants I got her, chose black instead and was to cool to wear her sunglasses but Madeleine has her V-day game on point.

Here are the goodies. I was proud to accomplish something this week besides the usual.

Pretty sweet right?

So I sent my babies off to school happy and they'll spend the weekend with their Dads enjoying themselves and they wont have to see the worst of chemo. I'll see them Monday.

Anyway, off to school they went and I got myself ready for my third chemo infusion. This includes washing all the sheets, doing all the laundry, cleaning the tub, packing my bag and making sure I have easily digestible food in the fridge for the next few days. I also pack my electric blanket because when I get the chemo for some reason I get all chilly and start shaking.

When you get to the chemo lab you have to check in at pharmacy and get your pills. Then you check in at the chemo desk and take your pills. Here's the pre and post meds look like;

That's a lot. For one body, for one time...and then the chemo on top of it. I try not to think about my poor liver, I need to take the meds so I just take them.

Then usually we wait for about an hour or so before we get into the chemo suite. Every chemo patient has a dedicated nurse. Because my chemo has to be hand pushed in, she (I've never yet had a male nurse in chemo) sits beside me and administers the chemo watching for signs.

This time I started getting the chills and shaking a little bit before I did the last few times and they tried to warm me up, but had a hard time. I was also really nauseous. A few nurses consulted about my symptoms and called the Dr on call and it was decided that I in fact was having a reaction to the chemo. They then proceeded to pump benedryl, more steroids, gravol and Ondansetron a pretty heavy duty anti nauseant. All at the same time.

My shakes went away. As did the entire "real" world. I could hear my voice but I sounded like a record when you slow it down and play it backwards. When I looked into the styrofoam cup my ice chips were in I could see them sparkling. I was totally out of it. Jason had to wheel me out of there and carry me home.

He tried to make me some broth when I got home and baked me a potato but I was done.

He tucked me into bed and that was it for my Valentine's Day. I didn't even remember the sweet card, mug filled with my favorite chocolates or the pretty flowers he still had time to get for me until today. I don't know how I made it to the bathroom so many times in the night. I assume Jason was there with me.

It was a long night for him. So its no wonder he's sleeping at 3:30pm. Poor guy. I try not to feel guilty but it's hard because I need him so much right now and there's no way I can make things even right now. I can only remember how much he is doing for me and when I can, make it up to him. Which I will.

Valentine's Day is usually just a day, one that I was never too crazy about. So much fake love, cheesy lines and pressure. But, what I got for Valentine's Day was real proof of love. Someone who has my back, who loves me even though I don't look my best and I can't do all the things I once could. Someone to hold the barf bag and tell me it's going to be OK.

I've always been a tough sell on romance, maybe expecting the obvious big gestures like roses and presents and specially planned date nights. I dare say I've been wrong. Those things are nice, but when someone really loves you, you know everyday.

Again, I'm not grateful to have cancer. I'm grateful for the many lessons.

My Valentine's Day at the Chemo Suite I'm more grateful than ever for the love of a good man. Who, may not be an overly demonstrative Hallmark romantic; he is a real romantic.

He is patient and kind and he's there for me whenever I need him. He tucks me in when I can't even speak and he still has time to buy me flowers.

Sick on Valentine's Day isn't such a bad thing. Just another example of how a terrible experience can bring out the real romance. The kind that lasts for ever.

I'm so lucky to have this guy around.