#40 Taxol Season

Thursday night I took 20mg of dexamethasone. A steroid 20x stronger than prednisone. I took it at 8pm because it had to be taken 12 hours before my chemo. I then took a benedryl so I could fall asleep. The benedryl kept me asleep for about 4 hours. When I woke up at 12 I watched 3 episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians which I fully expected to make me fall back asleep, but didn't. At 3 am I had to take 20mg more and I was awake pretty much for the rest of the morning. I spent the time watching coronavirus updates and then decided that the Kardashians were actually more relaxing to watch and switched back.

Jason dropped me off at the hospital at 7:45 and then took the kids to school and came back to sit with me. By the time he got there I was already in my chair, IV in and had been given more benedryl and we were waiting for the benedryl to kick in so that they could start the chemo. All those premeds were to hopefully stop an allergic reaction which many people have to taxol.

Here I am ready to go, with my hands and feet wrapped in ice....still smiling.

You can see it in my eyes, I'm exhausted and I haven't slept and underneath the smile I'm super anxious about starting a new chemo...but we carry on.

The standard procedure is to start the drip and the nurse sits right beside me to monitor for any signs of reaction. If this happens they stop the drip and call the Dr. and then give more meds and continue on.

So she started it, and I felt nothing. I continued to feel nothing but really sleepy. She said 30 minutes had passed and it looked like I was going to be ok. So I had 3 1/2 more hours to sit in the chair and receive the rest of the chemo. During this time I had to keep rotating the ice on my hands and feet to prevent neuropathy and nail damage. It was uncomfortable but I got used to it. I didn't realize it but I even fell asleep. Jason snapped this picture as he sat beside me for the whole 4 and a half hours.

It's not a fun way to spend a Friday. I'll say that. But it was a hundred times better than the A/C chemo. That was horrendous.

When the drip was over, they took out the IV and I walked out of the chemo suite by myself. I don't remember much.

I certainly don't remember insisting on going to the local health food store to do a little shopping for dinner and to get the kids some organic chicken. But we went.

When I got home I had a bath, which I do not remember and a nap, which I also don't remember and dinner, which I ate with no digestive difficulty which was lovely. Jason and I had some berries and coconut cream and I went to bed. It was so much better than the previous chemo.

Apparently, this type of chemo causes bone and muscle pain which usually kicks in when the steroids wear off around day 3, which is also the same day I have to take Neupogen - a $3800 shot that forces my bone marrow to produce some white blood cells to keep my immunity at a bare minimum. The side effects of that shot are bone and muscle pain and some nausea so that will be Sunday. It takes about 5 days for the shot to bring up my immunity to a base level.

For today, I slept in and then Jason and I went for a walk. The gym is out now for both of us. I know Jason isn't happy about this, and I feel badly for asking him not to go, but I can't chance him getting sick, or bringing something home to me. It's just too risky. So Thursday he jogged and I rode behind him on my bike chatting away and today we walked together. It's nice to do stuff together, even if it isn't pumping iron at the gym. It's still something. These are strange times.

Then we had to venture to the grocery store. I needed some frozen mangoes and vegan mayo. People were stuffing their carts like it was the end of the world. The toilet paper aisle was totally bare. We had a few chuckles. I bought 200 rolls a week ago, we were set. He made fun of me then, but heaven forbid we actually needed a few rolls we'd be wiping with J-cloths now.

After hand sanitizing and washing our hands we hunkered down and considered that the day we had would likely be a template for the next 3 weeks, with odd yard jobs interspersed. Having the kids home with me for 3 weeks is going to be a challenge while on chemo, but luckily Jason will be home too because his school is closed as well. I'm going to give the kids lots of jobs to do while I'm napping. I'm sure they'll love it.

I've joked to a few people that I've been in self-isolation and scared of germs since January 6 when I started chemo. Not too much has changed for me, with the exception now of not going basically anywhere, not even the gym or the grocery store anymore. It's just too risky. Today was my last trip. Jason is the go-to shopper now.

As I sit here I can feel some aches and pains starting in my knees and ankles and wrists, I know the side effects are coming but I think this time around will be a little easier and it's a relief to just have the first chemo session out of the way.

I'm finding that the unknown is much scarier than actually just going through it. When I hadn't started chemo I was afraid of the "Red Devil" when that was done I was afraid of Taxol, now that I've got one under my belt I feel better and find myself looking ahead to the next step in this journey which is my surgery. They called and my surgery date is May 20.

The nurse who called was sure to mention that this was of course based on the fact that I finished all my chemos and that at that time the hospital still had the bed. I interpreted this to mean that the Covid-19 crisis isn't still on going and hospitals aren't overburdened.

If too many people get sick, and those people are Drs and nurses or if the hospitals are full, my care might get delayed and if that happens my cancer could grow and my surgery would get pushed back so I'm really hoping that everyone follows the advice of the experts and stay home for the next little while, even if it's boring.

This cancer adventure has turned out to be quite the experience for me in letting go. For someone who loved to control everything that's been tough.

There's nothing I can do now but hope for the best, take care of myself as well as I can, follow good advice and take it day by day. It's a time for me to rest and enjoy my kids and a simpler life at home...despite worries about my health and the future.

That's all any of us can really do, especially right now.