Covid-19. The Cancer Centre has become a heavily protected and minimally accessible building, and for good reason. The people who work there and visit there are the ones who need to be most protected. The lab is marked off with caution tape, no one can sit near each other. As you can see, there's no one there. Our appointments are scheduled and no one without one can enter the building. At the front door are fully masked and suited nurses one who hands out Purell and another who asses you for symptoms. It's a tight ship.
The hallways are like ghost towns, all marked to preserve social distancing measures.
The entrance to the Chemo Suite is taped off too, and we have to maintain a distance.
It looked like there was no one around when I arrived by myself at 9:45am for my appointment. When I turned the corner, I saw the waiting room was full. People weren't sitting beside each other but there certainly wasn't a distance of 2 metres between us. I found a seat in the corner and managed a decent distance. I did notice this sign when I got there though, which bummed me out a little.
When they don't even list the wait time, you know you're there for a while. My chair time was for 10. I ended up getting into the chair at around noon.
This was round 2 of my taxol (or Paclitaxel) infusion. Each type of chemo aims to destroy some phase of the cancer cells development, like the replication stage, or division, or part of the rNA or dNA. Taxol works to destroy microtubule formations and the rapidly dividing cells. It also destroys nerves and causes peripheral neuropathy as a long lasting side effect. It causes some people's nails to lift and fall off or discolour. It's not pretty.
In order to mitigate these effects it's suggested patients ice their hands and feet, and chew ice chips and drink lots of water while they are getting the infusion. This is pretty hard to do when it's just you there. How was I going to manage wrapping my hands and feet and drinking a litre of water every hour...the infusion is 4 hours long??
My plan was...to take the frozen slippers out of the cooler, and put them on my feet. Then I get the ice bags and fit my hands in them, and I designed this extended straw to fit in the large water bottle. Genius.
I would stick this beside me in the chair and sip on ive for about 45 mintues at a time before I would have to take it all apart again and uncover myself and drag my IV pole that looks like this to the bathroom and do it all over again.
That was my plan anyway.
They had a hard time finding a vein that wasn't damaged from the AC chemo (which is notorious for decimating veins) so they had to start one in my hand and it got messy so I ended up with this to start with. It left a mark to say the least. Today my hand and arm are bruised and sore.
Taxol has a reputation for causing reactions in 50% of patients. This reaction usually occurs in the first or second round. It can be as mild as a rash or as severe as anaphylaxis and some people have to stop the drug completely or they'll die. My first taxol infusion went well with no reaction so I was pretty confident that I'd be ok.
The nurse started the infusion and it's protocol for her to sit beside me for the first 15-20 mintues because that's when the reaction would occur if it was going to. We chatted nicely for about 10 minutes until the point where my heart started to beat SO fast and my chest got tight and my throat started to close. It was a NIGHTMARE. My face turned bright red and I was gasping for air. All of sudden there was a flurry of activity around me. Nurses everywhere. They pumped some steroids into my "safety line" and some Benedryl and something else and in under a minute the reaction started to lessen. But let me tell you...it was a rough minute. I actually felt like I was going to die. And there was no one there with me. I shed a little tear when it was all calm again.
So they had to stop the infusion and wait for the drugs they gave me to take effect and they would then titrate the infusion back up. 25% for 15 minutes, 50% for 30 minues and then back up to 100% if I can tolerate it.
The drugs they gave me basically shut off my immune reaction completely. When they started the drug, I was anxious and it threw me off my icing game so I didn't have full coverage on my toes and I had to use my hands more so I'm not sure how effective it will be this time around, but I did my best.
Plus after all the drugs I was loopy. I tolerated the remaining infusion well and the chemo session that was supposed to last from 10-2 ended up taking from 10-5 so my ice packs got warm and I was too tired to get the refills from the ice machine myself. My face was blotchy and hot and it was all I could do to just keep drinking water and make it to the bathroom.
Chemo isn't pretty. Here's first hand proof. You can see the reaction on my face, and I look dreadful. It's the reality of the situation. I won't always look like this but some parts, there's just no sugar coating. It is what it is. Chemo destroys the person you were inside and out.
Anyway, I made it through and packed myself back up, got my stuff together and somehow made it downstairs and to the car where Jason was waiting. It was an exhausting day.
Due to all the steroids they gave me I slept for maybe an hour last night and was ready to get up for the day at 5 am, but then felt pretty nauseous so I took a pill and it forced me sleep. I was up for the day at 9:30 and made the entire dinner by noon. Steroids are dangerous things. Such a false sense of energy.
Last cycle of chemo I felt the same, lots of energy day 2 and day 3 was a huge crash and that's when the bone pain set in, so I try to make the most of today. It's Jason's birthday too....so I want to make it nice for him. Even in these isolated times...something simple. Set a table, roast a chicken, sing a song and blow out some candles. My sister and her family are still here so it's nice to have everyone around...it should be noted again that they arrived before the severe social distancing was in place and didn't bring 'Rona with them.
So that's pretty much it. Chemo was scary this time, but I made it through, I did it alone and I survived.
It's amazing the things we can do when we have no other choice. We do it for ourselves, our family and we do it to survive.
We're all doing that these days, and it's not easy. But it could be a hell of a lot worse.
As in the past, when I read what you write I can only say I am amazed at the positive attitude you have, I have been a fighter in Martial Arts for many years but when I look at myself compared to you, I am just an amateur and you are the Pro when it comes to a fight, so all I can say is keep up the good fight and never give up, I and lots of others are in your corner, and we don't support a loser, and all I want to do is help you celebrate you BIG WIN, I think of you often and if there is ever anything I can do please let me know.…
Sorry you had to go through such an experience by yourself! You're such a strong woman! I've not been handling the whole covid situation well, but compared to what you are going through, I should be so grateful. Thankyou for reminding me that things are not as dark as they seem! Your strength continues to astound me and your attitude as well! Know you are an inspiration to many! Love you! Hugs and kisses, Mary and Bobbo.