There are different kinds of Doctors. There are Oncologlists. They are MDs, trained specifically to focus on cancer and then they get certified as Oncologists who treat cancer patients.
There are Naturopathic Doctors, they treat most conditions, not specifically cancer. A lot of naturopathic doctors dont focus on cancer. It's specific and so detailed and complicated. A lot of naturopaths and nutritionists focus on auto immune diseases, digestive problems, chronic illness. Cancer is specialized.
There are Doctors who are MDs and Naturopaths who specialize in cancer treatment. This is where the big money is. My Dr. at The Marsden Center is an MD. She worked in Iran for 18 years and did studies and worked with women and in an ER in Iran. She then moved to Canada and became a Naturopathic Doctor and now works at an Intigrative Cancer center. It's one of the best in Canada.
There are Doctors who are Naturopaths and Herbalists. My Naturopath and Herbalist was trained in Herbalism for over 10 years, shes a registered herbalist and uses plants for healing, she specializes in plants for healing and has a unique connection to the earth.
THere are so many Doctors. And when I say Doctor....I mean professional. Specialist.
For some reason we've been trained to think that the Oncologist is the one with the most knowledge. Why? Maybe because we need to see the results on a study.... because we were taught to always believe the doctor first.
All I know is that of all my Doctors....my oncologist has helped me the least. In the beginning, yes, he's answered all my questions and ran the standard tests...but I'm just a number and a statistic. He's a nice guy, and I know he signed up to be an Oncologist to help people like me but he's stuck in a system now where people are NOT considered really individually. There are protocols, and "best practice"and "standard of care". There are rules and paths patients follow.
Anyway, yesterday I spoke with him about a pain in my ribs, I want tests, I want to know what's going on. I want ongoing tests. He is the only one who can order diagnostic tests, ultrasounds, CTscans, MRIs, bone scans and blood tests so I need him. He refused the full body scan, he said it's not covered by OHIP until I have symptoms...still... I need an OHIP oncologist. This is the way I'll work to try to monitor my cancer but I will have to advocate for the tests all the way. The standard now is to give me no tests at all until I show symptoms. Which is absurd. (I also I need him because I also can't continue to afford all the alternative practioners for much longer, $5000 a month is what it's been averaging for my alternative care).
Nevertheless, he told me that based on my tumor size and lymph node involvement that I was likely to have cancer again and I should appreciate my days, take pictures and enjoy my camping trip. I felt like I was again just been given a death sentence. I asked him....is there a chance I'll live? He didn't answer...he just said he can't tell. It's likely to come back, how soon, we don't know. But....it's also minimially possible it never comes back. It sent me down a deep rabbit hole. It was horrendous. All my happy mood from the day before was erased and I was right back at diagnosis day. Thinking about my little girls, life without me. It really is the most terrifying place to imagine for me.
I immediately called my Herbalist (ND). Her response to what the oncologist said to me was this " There is hope and you are vigilant. Keep up all of your practices and the next step is the inner work. Conventional oncologists are not focused on this". I sent her an email back saying "Thanks, the inner work seems to be just the hardest" she wrote me back " Sure is! And you have all you need to overcome it". That to me. Was a Dr. in that moment. But she's right...the inner work is the hardest. Harder than chemo.
I also called my integrative Oncologist (The Iran Dr and ND). She actually called me back and talked to me for 10 minutes. She told me, yes, the oncologist is right. Those are my results, but he doesn't know what else I'm doing , he doesn't have access to less conventional treatments so my odds aren't the same as the studies he reads. We have accesss to Vitamin C IV, Mistletoe, supplements, I can make my own statistic.
She told me "I'm going on my own holiday tomorrow...I'm not spending the whole time worrying about getting into an accident". She made a point that helped. She told me that 5 years ago she had a woman with stage IV breast cancer that had metastized to her brain, lungs and liver. She was on oxygen. She told me this woman is still alive 5 years later and off oxygen. She's not thriving. But the woman is alive. My Doctor told me....take pictures or don't. As far as I see, you're OK. Day by day and enjoy your life.
See...three doctors, three recommendations. It's so important to seek out different points of view.
At the end of the day my results are the same...but the treatment and my approach means so much. I let myself get into that rabbit hole and think for a moment that I'd die soon, that my kids would be alone, that I would suffer. I got into this hole by listening to one opinion, by seeking only one point of view.
As the day progressed, I came to the conclusion that my oncologist presented the facts to me. He didn't seem to give me any control over it. Just odds and genetics. I then realized that I can control my odds by my actions, I can improve my days my working on my inner self and all these other things I'm doing. I may not be able to control the outcome, but I can increase the odds.
I respect all my Doctors, and appreciate each one. But today my herbalist and my naturopath helped me so much. I was in the low low lows and they helped me to see that I can't stay there and I need to use the tools I have to lift myself up. They didn't dismiss the odds but they did focus on the positive and what I can do. The oncologist was right of course. The pathology won't change....but the outcome isn't just up to chance. I can work hard to make changes and bring light into the darkness.
It was rainy and crappy when I stopped at the store.....I thought about the day and my choices....
When I came out of the store I saw this...
I was a brilliant reminder that the universe is still in play in my story. That I'm still here and I have hope and a chance.
I can't let odds or pathology do all the determining for my life.
I have a choice, everyday.
Rainbows help. They mean something.
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