#68 Being Normal.

It's been a few weeks. Where should I start.....what I did two weeks ago?

I went home to the Soo. Jason and I drove with the kids, we spent a few days at my sister's and then we went camping at Pancake Bay. A place that holds a special place in my heart. Here's a sunset shot. How can you not love it? My daughter took this picture.

When we were camping, I drank some wine, a few coolers and I had some slices of proscuitto. I felt almost normal. I smoked some pot and laughed around the campfire. My sister Andra and my sister Candice and her partner Leona were there. My good friends Sheila and Vince and Christina stayed the nights too... Here are a few shots.....daytimes spent on the beach, night time spent laughing around the fire. It really was paradise.

Here's miss Mads fresh out of the lake and me looking on, hair ala George Clooney 2016. She's smiling, so am I. That's all I care about.

More importantly...look at that smile. It's days like this that realize these memories and thee feelings of joy will stay with her forever. And she can look back on this blog and know....I know she was happy and she can be happy again.

Here's one more quick one of her coming out of the water. She's only 7. So innocent. She doesn't really understand or know cancer yet. So I like to capture these moments of innocence. Her sister is 12 now and doesn't want her picture taken and also counted how many coolers I had all weekend so she's not as "free" as Madeleine.

Here's our nightitme spot. Thanks to a good friend for setting us up with a sweet spot and a trailer so we were comfortable. It was so special and a really made things so much easier for us. We had stories and laughs around the campfire and cozy sleeps

It was such a refreshing break from the usual. I felt almost like my old self.

Then I'd go to bed, and then I'd remember, all I'd been through, my legs would ache, I'd feel so tired, so hot and cold all at once. I'd worry, I'd feel sad and I'd be happy all at the same time. I tried to forget about cancer but it wouldn't go away. I just had to over-happy it. Be more grateful and appreciative of where I was. Overpower the negative.

One night I had a hot flash so badly that I turned down the air conditioning in trailer to 55 degrees. The children froze. They woke Jason up and he turned it up, but I didn't notice a thing. Crazy.

We had a beautiful time at Pancake. For anyone who has been there. You know it's magical.

When we left Pancake we went to my "adopted inlaws" my sisters inlaws who I consider my inlaws too. Here's a pic of me and Bobbo. My sister's father in law. Mary, my "mother mother in law' told me that when I wrote my blogs Bobbo couldn't look at the pics of me with my scars and my drains and surgery pics. It was too upsetting for him and he couldn't see me that way. Besides my own Dad, there's not another man who I love like a father besides this guy. He's a beauty and I'm glad I had time to spend with him.

I haven't mentioned too much about my new sister Candice, but here I am with a pic of her partner Leona. Long story short. My mom had a baby, gave her up for adoption, Candice found my mom, we became a family and all is well 40 years after that adoption. Regardless, here Leona and I are joking about all the fish she's going to catch on the Bay. (She doesn't get the joke yet).

Here are the kids, how wonderful they are. Just pure perfection.

Shortly after this picture, Mary, my sister's mother in law calls everyone in and has prepared a feast for at least 20 people. We eat, relax and laugh and enjoy. I honestly don't know how she does it. She makes it look so easy and it's always delicious. Here's a snapshot. Me, Sheila, my sister Candice, Cam, Andra. Enjoying dinner.

As the sun goes down, Bobbo lights a beauty fire and we sit around and the kids roast marshmallows and hot dogs. I kiss them all. (not the hot dogs and marshies, I kiss the kids) lol. In the back of my mind when the picture snaps, I think to myself....I hope I'm around for many more summers...but really I don't know.

Me and my girls. Fresh off the paddle boards and kayaks. Those smiles on their faces. Make me feel like I'm doing ok.

Later on Ari and I roasted some more and chatted. I know she'll remember this forever.

I also managed to squeeze in a little time with this guy who continues to make everything possible for me. There's no way I could do any of it alone. He's my rock. I do really love him. Also...I was roasting that dog for someone else. I love my life too much to eat a hot dog.

The next day we took to the Bay to catch some big fish. Note my degree of preparedness vs my sisters. I'm buckled up tight. Hoodie up. Socks and slides. Also note the fluorescent jacket to the side, ready in case of dark skies So tight those buckles were.

The skies did indeed get dark, which is when I put on Candice's jacket and Bruce (the captain of the ship) was obviously concerned....

We continued to fish and the only one who caught anything was Cam. (Sorry Leona). But the whole experience made me feel normal and free. It was nice.

We left Goulais and of course promised to return in between hugs.

The next day we went to my sister's for a farewell dinner. Here are a few shots of my sister Candice, me, my mom and my sister Andra. 5 years ago we wouldn't have expected to be all together but life has a way of bringing light together and love together.

My mom is a pretty spectacular person. I wont tell her story but if you get a chance to hear it, it really is something to admire. I'm blessed she's my mom and forever grateful for it. She's always there for me.

After dinner we had a nice relaxing time inside at my sisters. It was a long day and a long week but I was so happy to see everyone I did and enjoy all the moments and memories I made for my kids.

I'm so grateful for my vacation, for my friends, for the Soo and for Superior. I'm most grateful for the visits I had. Marci...like a second mom to me when I was growing up. We had some laughs. My family - a visit with my Aunts, Patricia and Anita and my Uncle Don. My Aunt Anita gifted to me a family heirloom from Italy. I wear this cross around my neck daily. I wear the ring with the hope that the energy and protection of my family will surround me.

At the end of my trip, on the last night....I was tired and just wanted to lay my head down and rest. I was sitting down on the couch beside my dad and decided to just put my head on his shoulder like I was a little girl. To him, I imagine in some ways I still am. We both had cancer this year. He beat it and I'm working on it. Here's a rare photo of us both.

Two cancer survivors.

He's still got my back.

At the end of the day it's all about taking the love that's available to you, making the most of the moments that matter and realizing that nothing lasts forever except memories and love.

I am grateful to have made more of each this summer.