So I haven't written yet again in some time. There's so much that has happened and yet so much that hasn't. I've had multiple tests, all showing no cancer spread, I'll detail in future blogs. Recently though I had a CT scan of my chest and it did show one small lung nodule. 1-2mm. This isn't large and it was noted that it could be from a previous infection or inflammation. Regardless, it's got to be monitored. It's not out of the question it could be lung cancer but I'm not giving that much energy or thought. I'll have another CT scan in 3 months and we'll see how things are then. For now I just try to get through the days.
When treatment (conventional) ends, it's like you're on your own out there. Any symptom or pain I have makes me wonder....is it cancer? What's happening? Usual rule of thumb is that if it hurts for longer than a week or two it needs to be investigated.
I am still going to my alternative treatments but I'm having to make some difficult decisions with regards to those that I'll talk about in another blog but just before I go to sleep I'll describe just one day in my life now. Not the average day but a day.
For the past few weeks I've been having stomach pains and I have been keeping an eye on it, not overreacting, just being aware. Last night they were significantly worse and this morning not good at all. My naturopath had said it's possible it's constipation, even though I didn't think it was....she said not to worry too much. I asked her if she thought colonics would help and she said "sure". I had booked a colonic in August and it just so happened to be today. So I drove with my sore stomach to the colonic place and for those of you who've not had a colonic (it's not nearly as bad as what you think), it felt good and I actually felt a little better when I left. I'm going to be doing them monthly. Really, I felt better.
Well, except the area under my belly button still hurt so I called my Dr. he said, given my history I needed to go to the ER. Off to the Cancer ER I went. I spent 7 1/2 hours there. No visitors allowed, full covid protocol. It took a few hours for the Dr to come but basically it could be cancer, it could be my appendix, it could be ovaries or uterus...we had to do a CT scan to find out and it needed to be immediate. (For prespective - the current CT booking time at the cancer hospital is 3 months).
So I had the CT scan and sat there for 2 hours and waited to hear if my cancer had progressed or if I needed emergency surgery. I didn't even get to kiss my kids after school. I couldn't even hug them. It was a terrible 2 hours. Sitting there wondering.
The wonder and possibility of cancer recurring is very real and very critical for me over the next year. So days like today bring the reality of cancer around. It's never over. I was thinking positively and imagining going home and when the Dr. came back he told me good news. NO cancer in the abdomen, nothing he could see that was emergency. Could be stress, both my kids had birthdays this week and school started...could be abdominal muscle injury....could be dysbiosis. But it wasn't cancer that he could see.
For that moment I felt like I'd been given another day, and the truth is, I was only given that present moment. We don't know if we're given tomorrow but the news sure felt good. It made me reflect on the time I spent worrying about recurrence. It's my biggest battle now. I'm trying to get a little back to normal without worrying about every little pain and ache.
I decided before I went to bed I'd blog about my day. It's not every one that starts with a colonic and ends up in the CT machine and then a life questioning reevaluation and possible emergency surgery. BUT, here I am in bed. At home.
This is life after an initial cancer diagnosis and treatment, you live some normal days and then some days it all seems to fall apart and get put back together but cancer isn't too far from your mind most days and it's a battle.
I'm settling into a fall routine and will be blogging more, about what I've been through over the past few weeks, and how my treatment plans are more challenging now and what my days are like...
But for tonight, I give thanks for a clean report and go to sleep with gratitude and determination to keep ahead of cancer, to keep trying everyday to find beauty and light in the world - to not let fear rule and love lead the way.
It's the only way.
Comments