So I got this email ....
I have mentioned the GO Fund me a few times in my previous blogs, thanking everyone who contributed. There really aren't words to describe what it has meant for me and my family. We would have been faced with some very difficult choices without it.
I write this blog for a number of reasons, for my kids to read when they're older or I'm gone. For my friends and family to know what's happening and to keep in touch and for women who may be going through what I'm going through.
This entry is more for the former. I've talked about the treatments I've received and my daily routine but I have never talked about the cost of it all. If you're someone who was recently diagnosed or know someone, it might help to know what all of these things cost.
Vitamin C IV - $275 2x week
European Mistletoe - $200 once every 10 days
Modified Citrus Pectin- $125 every 15 days
Hyperthermia Treatments - $375 each (2 x a week for 8 weeks)
Wigs - I spent about $2500.
Herbal Tinctures - $800 a month
My daily supplements:
ECGC, Turmeric, Omega 3, Vitamin C, Grapeseed Extract, Probiotics, Quercetin, Berberine, CoQ10, Magnesium, Noni Juice, Vitamin E, CanArrest, Genestein, Acetyl CoA, Gaba and a few others total a little over $1000 a month
My medications aren't all covered so my monthly Zoladex shot is $450
The Immune booster was $1300 a month
My metformin is $48
My Exemestane is $488 a month
Colonics are $100 every month
CTC testing and non OHIP covered tests - $1500 aprox
Natural health consultations range between $75-100 an hour and I usually meet with the Drs once or twice a month to discuss results and adjust protocols.
I bought a juicer, and all buy only organic food.
If you're going to go the route I went, be prepared for these costs. You don't have to be an accountant to see how insanely expensive it all is. It's easy to see how the Go Fund Me allowed me to search out and access the treatment I have been. I am forever grateful.
Doing a rough calculation you can now see that I'm nearing the end of the donations and am going to have to cut back on some of the things that I've been doing. My doctor still wont sign my return to work form because I work basically where sick people go for advice and my white blood cells aren't high enough yet.
Im not extending the Go Fund Me nor is this a plea for cash. It's the reality of my situation and I've been upfront and honest about it all. Tonight will be the last night it's there. It's hard to be the recipient of such generosity sometimes. You don't want to take advantage, and at the same time you couldn't have survived without it. And no one really wants to talk about money especially when you hear it attached to cancer. It's like that person at the checkout that asks if you "want to donate to kids with cancer". Obviously you say yes.
I just wanted to briefly outline what the Go Fund me paid for, not including gas to and from Toronto every 3 days for treatment and the bills that I could no longer pay because I wasn't working. It made such a difference.
If you are someone who wants to do what I did, just prepare yourself for the cost. I'm going to make some decisions now because I can't sustain that level of spending and cut out some of my treatments. It's a difficult thing because I don't know which ones might be the ones really working, but I will consult with my Doctors and decide. The pharmaceuticals will be staying, those hormone blockers I can't delete. I think I will keep going for the Vitamin C, but reduce it to once per week. I will have to cut back on the frequency of the herbal supplements and make some difficult choices with the supplements.
My purpose in writing this entry is to inform that my Go Fund Me won't be active after tonight, I'm not renewing it. It just feels too greedy. So many people have donated so much I can't start another one, it just feels wrong.
If you are someone who is going through cancer and want to do everything you can to survive, know these are the costs associated. There are some more incidentals, like Vit B injections, Glutathione preload and treatment after CT scans too, and other things that will pop up. I think they should all be covered so people who have cancer don't have to choose to go broke or stick to the standard of care which is certainly not enough.
Again, I write these to illustrate all the facets of what a cancer journey looks like, the things you need to consider, the choices you have to make and the cost of treatments that are potentially life saving. What my life has been like.
I stress now, am I doing enough if I cut things out? Am I ok? The Drs follow you for a few months but then they only want to hear from you if you're having pain. My kids are back at school and I'm home and it's quiet and some days I don't have the energy to clean or do something productive and I can't be exercising everyday. I feel a little bit like I'm in limbo, unable to work and now reducing my treatments so I have even less to do.
After radiation is over and your doctor says "see you in three months" you're left alone to manage daily and some days are easier than others but it's hard to know what the right things to do are.
I'm still doing keto, even though some people have written me on facebook groups I'm in to tell me it makes tumors grow, my naturopath doesn't seem to agree....
I still try to exercise 5 out of 7 days a week, I try to sleep well. Last night I was up all night with a stomach issue. Running back and forth to the bathroom. It's hard in the middle of the night to not worry if it's something more that just an upset stomach.
I live each day now making choices that I know will affect my outcome. What I drink, eat, take how I spend my time and money, and how I spend my thoughts. I now don't have all the drs and all the treatments available. It's not sustainable forever. I am on my own, making choices and what I do have is time for now, and the choice of how I will spend my thoughts.
I have a CT Scan on December 11, that will be the next time we know what's happening inside, with the exception of any emergencies that pop up before then so I try not to think of every ache and pain as Stage 4 (and everyone knows there ain't no Stage 5). I am trying to take it a day at a time, adjusting to just staying focused on the present.
Today I am in bed, because I don't have the energy to get up. I don't know if this is because of radiation after effects, or just overdoing it with September or who knows what. I try not to rabbit hole and give my body a break when it tells me it needs it. I have aches and pains from the hormone treatments and sometimes it's hard not to feel sorry for myself or just angry that this is where I'm at.
But, I still have so much to be grateful for, I have my babies to live for and I hope a long life ahead of me.
I will be eternally grateful to all of you who took the time to visit the Go Fund me and donate. It made all the difference for me at the start of my battle with cancer.
In life we all have to make choices, each one comes with a consequence. If we go into our choices with clarity of mind and purity of intention, following our intuition and what we feel is best for us, sometimes that's all you can do.
Holding hope that what you are doing is enough and trusting that the Universe has a master plan built just for you.
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