This year the girls are with their Dads. Jason and I drove to the Soo. We weren't originally going to because our car is nearing the end and we didn't want to burn the old girl out. My sister Candice and her partner Leona offered us their brand new SUV to drive. So we came. I started off the trip so grateful for that. Who does that? Amazing.
Last week I spent a day in the hospital. I had a stomach pain that I can only relate to childbirth contractions. They hopped me up on morphine and did a bunch of scans and good news is it doesn't appear to be cancer but they don't know what's causing it. While I was in there I did a lot of thinking. One has the occasion to think about life and contemplate many things while sitting in the hallway of the hospital in a recliner hooked up to morphine waiting to find out if the pain you have is cancer.
While I was laying there I thought about the kids, I thought about Jason, about if it was a sunny day, what I would do if they told me there was cancer, what I would do if they told me it wasn't....what I was going to do regardless.
I looked ahead to my weekend planned in the Soo. I told myself that if I got to go home and things were OK I would enjoy myself in the Soo. I'd eat and drink and laugh and have fun. I'd put a little makeup on and drink some drinks. I'd be as close to "normal" as I could be.
So we made it to the Soo. We got here Thursday night late. Straight to bed. I slept and when I woke up it was like when you wake up somewhere and you don't know for sure where you are when you first open your eyes. I'm sure everyone has experienced this feeling. It's bizzare. For those first few minutes you don't know where the hell you are and your mind is trying to catch up with your body. Usually it's upsetting to me, but it was refreshing. It was one morning when the first thing on my mind wasn't "oh yeah. Cancer". It was like "where am I?" Oh yeah..... let's enjoy this day. HOLIDAY. Everyone loves Thanksgiving.
The trees are beautiful, the sky is so blue. The food is bountiful, the body is conditioned to eat. The air is ionized. It's bliss. It's fleeting, but it's just like life. It's so beautiful and the most beautiful and rich moments are before some tough times.
Last night I went out with some girlfriends and had a few martinis. I laughed and I enjoyed a wonderful dinner. We went to Giovannis. I used to work there. We were treated so well. Not only is the food amazing, but the people are. I saw some people I used to work with, we had a great meal and most of all I felt like a human again. It was so nice.
I haven't had a martini since October 2019, so when I got home bedtime was imminent. Jason always insists on sleeping on the outside of the bed, closest to the door becaues he's a gentleman, just like when we jog or walk he always makes his way to the outside of the sidewalk like he's my protector.
Anyway, when I woke up in the middle of the night I had that thing again where I wasn't quite sure where I was waking up and I wandered around my nephews room (where we are being hosted) bumping into the furniture until Jason woke me up and then I fell into my suitcase and then got mad at him because the suitcase was there until I woke up and realized that 1. I wasn't wearing pants and 2. that I had to pee and had no idea how I got where I was so him claimining that I was "asleep" was most likely more accurate than not. All in all. Not a bad day.
This morning I woke up at 10:30. I've told everyone that my body will wake me when it's ready and today it was at 10:30. Cam and Jason went early to Goulais to do guy stuff with motorbikes and trailers. Andra and I stayed a little behind. I had my first coffee of 2019. OMG. I was LIT. We got to Goulais and I was still on a caffeine high. It's amazing how the body responds.
I didn't bring any special food. I said this weekend I was going to enjoy the food, the people, the conversation and relax. And I did just that. We had an amazing meal. I'm lucky that my sister's inlaws are really like my inlaws so we're included in holidays and it's always so nice.
I ate so much. Carbs. Meat. Sugar. All. My mouth loved it. It was so yummy.
Regardless of how my body ended up handling it, the whole day was just glorious.
The sun, the water, the food, the fall vibes, smiles and laughs.
Tomorrow I go to my Dads and he's making another beautiful meal I'm going to enjoy too.
It made me think and I did vocalize today, cancer brought to my attention how precious, how wonderful and how spectacular life is.
Everyday I am blessed to rise is one I am meant to live and I appreciate because it is a true gift. We don't always have to be perfect or eat perfectly, but we need to be happy.
This Thanksgiving when you sit down to eat, or when you go for a walk, or just when you sit an reflect think of truly how lucky we all are to be here. Any day could be the day you find out you have cancer, or be the day someone you love does. Any day could be the day they take the cancer away or it could be the day you die.
Life is a mysterious and glorious thing, and this Thanksgiving for me I am thankful for life. For all of it. The mess, the glory, the highs and lows. I am thankful for the opportunity to be alive. How long it lasts, no one knows. But I know that I have today, we all do.
Look around at your home, your family and the comforts you have, look up at the sky and the beauty of nature, look down at your body that keeps you going each day and give thanks for all those things.
When I eat, I give thanks for whatever the food is, even if it's a piece of pie or gluten heavy stuffing...I know will throw me out of ketosis, I give thanks for it and the energy I put into the food goes into my body. It's alright to treat yourself and indulge in the bounty of Thanksgiving, to laugh and to truly appreciate all that you have available to you.
This Thanksgiving I'm more thankful than any I've had before. I am grateful for my life, for the opportunity to have another day, to laugh and to breathe.
We are all so blessed. It took a Stage 3 cancer diagnosis for me to truly look around and see how amazing the world is and how precious our time with those we love is.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all, and for the hundreds of messages I've been sent lately asking about my previous blog. I'll respond and and say that I'm going to restart the Go Fund me. But for this weekend, I'm going to spend time being grateful for all I have now before asking for more, it's a sensitive subject for me. I have already been so blessed.
SO thank you, to everyone who makes an effort to reach out to me, to wish me well, to send me messages and support, to those people who send me care packages and have encouraged me along the way. I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving being grateful for all that you have and may you continue to have that and more. I am grateful for you.
XO
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