#76 Hospital Stories

So I'm still in the hospital. I've had 2 xrays, a chest CT, a bone scan, multiple blood tests, an EKG and this morning a bronchoscope.

For those unaware of what a bronchoscope is. It's awful. They freeze your throat, and gag reflex and trachea, then they give you fentanyl to try to relax you while they pass a camera and a tube into your lungs to collect fluid to determine if it's infection or cancer. The whole time you feel like you're choking and are coughing as the saline they use to flush the lung collects. It was necessary to determine what that opaque mass is in my lung.

Yesterday I had a bone scan. You have to go 3 hours early, so a porter comes to my room and wheels me down to the nuclear medicine department, they left me in the hallway and go. Sometimes the people there see you ans some times they don't. Sometimes it takes wihle for them to get the chart and wheel you in. Anyway, what's the difference, sitting in a room ina bed or a hallway. Not much so I sit and wait. Finally they wheeled me in and gave me a shot of radioactive material that the bones would over the next 3 hours uptake.

Then they call the porter again and I wait for the person to wheel me back up to my room. It's a nice hospital and I have a nice private room right by the nurses desk. Here's my left view, and right view

Here's where I've been spending my days

Thank God I had a nice room, but still the bed was so uncomfortable and a hospital stay isn't like a Hilton.

So anyway, after the 3 hours passed I was wheeled back down to wait for the actual bone scan. For the scan, you basically lay on a slab and the machine closes around you. Like an MRI. If you're claustrophobic this isn't something you'd enjoy in the slightest bit. I'm not and there was a a point where I wanted to scream. Here's a view of the the machine before I got in and it started to move in and around.

So in I went, then back up to my room.

At this point, I figured, they had done all they could do. And I could go home....there was nothing else for me at the hospital, the pain had been managed and I missed my kids and hadn't slept since Sunday I just wanted to go home.

The Hospitalist (kind of a go between doctor for all the different departments) is the one responsible for overseeing all the patients and their discharge and management).

I had also had a pain management specialist, a psychiatrist, a resiratory specialist, the oncology team and a slew of great nurses. I don't know what hospitals would do with patients without nurses, they truly are angels.

Anyway, when the Hospitalist came in I suggested that because all the tests were done and my pain was under control that I could go home today. She said she had an EKG she wanted to run and another blood test, and then she needed to speak wih my oncologist and other doctors so probably not.

I had an INSTANT meltdown. I just want to go home. I said to her "and EKG takes 4 minutes a blood test takes 4 minutes can't you take 10 mintues to call the team and agree that I'm good to go" she says it doesn't work like that and your oncologist agrees another day isn't a bad idea. To monitor you....I said no way. I want to go home if you need more from me I live 6 blocks away I can come home after a nice sleep in my own bed. She said I couldn't be released until the paperwork was all completed or I would have a black mark on my record "LEFT AGAINST DOCTORS ORDERS" and I'd be blackballed for life. She told me that she was taking the appropriate steps and following protocol and that was that and then left my room.

Oh I felt so mad. I was just waiting around for results they could message me. I wasn't hooked up to anything anymore and could manage. I asked the nurse if I could go for a walk around the hospial and to the brow (which is right behind the hospital). She said yes, for 30 min.

So I walked home. I took a nice shower, I changed my clothes I got my supplements and then I casually walked back. I felt MUCH better.

When I got there a nurse was waiting to do an EKG, all normal. Another nurse did a blood test. NORMAL

After about an hour sitting there realizing I'm here for no reason anymore I settled in to watching the election results. Then my psychiatrist came to see me, home visit, rare. Apparently he caught word I spazzed out.

He explained to me the stress, the waiting, the situation, cancer and especially 3 nights without sleep were to blame and I shouldn't blame myself. He said that for tonight he was prescribing me a sleeping pill for that night so I could finally sleep. He said it was a heavy duty one.

I felt a little better. Then the respirologist came in and told me they had a cancellation for the bronchoscopy the next day and did I just want to get it over with....I said absolutely.

For the rest of the day yesterday I layed in the bed, I waited for Jason to bring the girls...they've kind of understood that I'm here for tests but I think they also think I'm sick and dying so seeing me would make them so much better. Madeleine changed into a dress and fancy shoes and jewelery and came to the hospital and they refused to let them up because of COVID so I went down to the lobby. To see her dressed up and waiting to see me just broke my heart, Ari was cool as ever but I could see she was happy to see me and also worried about me. I reassured them one more test and hopefully tomorrow I'd be home. We chatted a bit but Jason hadn't stopped and had to make them dinner and it was getting late.

I honestly don't know what I'd do without that man. Times like these love rises to a new level. He's amazing and handled all of this so well with them and me. One night he popped me popcorn and brought it. Like c'mon.

For the night after that I just watched TV and waited to take this cocktail of pills that would send me into dreamland. Check this out. It's like Michael Jackson's breakfast.

Flash forward to present moment

This thing has been in my arm for days and I'm ready for it to come out.

The hospitalist I scrapped with came in and told me that today I could go home!!!

Here is what we know:

-there is no evidence of disease in my abdomen as per previous CT

-there is no evidence of rib fracture from radiation as per X-ray

-there is no evidence of bone metastisis- no bone cancer

-there is no evidence of any abnormalities in the blood

-there is evidence of what appears to be inflammation and damage from radiation in my lungs, the sample they took today will be sent to pathology to make sure no microscopic cancer is there but they said that they looked around and it looked good.

-my pain is managed

-I will have a repeat CT in 8 weeks to see how the area looks.

All in all very good. They didn't see any cancer. This doesn't mean I'm cured but it does mean that there is no evidence of disease which is like remission or NED. It's a very good thing.

I am going to go home and hug my kids, and sit in my chair and eat something and not worry about any mess or jobs or expectations. I am going to be grateful I am able to be home and not in the hospital. I am grateful for clear scans and more time with those I love. I will take care of my body. I will continue the natural treatments, therapeutic keto and colonics, I will keep up with my Vitamin C and exercise.

This was a blip in the road. We'll monitor the lung and accept it as a side effect of radiation and keep moving forward.

But I'm moving forward, I'm going home. I'm continuing to fight and to be grateful for everyday.

I'm not saying I hope everyone spends a day or three in the hospital but should you, when you get to go home and are told you're not dying it makes everything seem so much more special.

Life is special and I can't wait to get back to it. To keep on keepin' on.

It's time to plant the tulip bulbs for next spring. And I intend to see them bloom.