#88 These days.....

Today I got a call from the Pain Management Doctor on staff at the Cancer centre. This is a Doctor to whom a patient is reffered when they have symptoms that can't be cured, just managed. Think palliative care, persistent pain, chronic conditions. People live with these and these doctors help them manage. Through medication, techniques, therapy. This is their specialty.

She asked me some questions, I answered them honestly. I can't sleep on my side for longer than 45 minutes without pain, I can switch sides and it's the same thing. I can't sleep on my stomach, I have an ache from my rib cage to the center of my chest. It's a 3/10 on the pain scale. I take nothing for it. I accept it's a result of the amputation and removal of so much muscle and tissue and my lymphatic system. We discussed this. I told her I bike 2-3times a week. I run 4km 2-3times a week and I have no breathing issues besides the odd cough and tightness, which is caused by the damage done by radiation. Which, is significant and will be an issue as I age, but I manage quite well now. I treat my lungs with love. The deep breaths the exercise.

So she released me. She said the nicest thing she could say to me is " I hope I never talk to you again". And it's true. We chuckled, she said how great my CT scan was and to keep up what I'm doing. It's a long road but 5 years goes by like a heartbeat and I can do it. I asked her why she called today and she said that my oncologist wanted to follow up to see how I was doing, if I was in pain, if I needed more care.

It was then that I had a change in perspective. When I enrolled at the Institute of Holistic Nutrition I wanted to become someone who healed with food. Someone who didn't rely on pharmaceuticals and who knew how to let the body heal itself. I very much still am that person but somewhere along the way I became convinced that the mainstream medical community was somehow knowingly pushing patients into illness and only treating symptoms and causing more disease than they were curing. I became angry at the "doctors" I felt smarter than them and i dismissed them as pill pushers and ostriches with their heads in the sand.

This simply isn't true. Mainstream medicine is responsible for so many great advances in patient care, saving lives everyday. I'd say if you have an autoimmune condition, or allergies or even some mental health issues, maybe mainstream medicine isn't where I'd start but if you are missing a limb all of a sudden or have stage 3 advanced breast cancer mainstream medicine is a lifeline. I realized that there has been a team of people behind me since last year, monitoring my condition, consulting, using the latest research and doing the best of their abilities to help me. Truest intentions. These people have dedicated their lives to helping their patients in the best way they have been taught. It's not personal it's a system of care....or as the say "SOC" Standard of care. Backed up by relentless studies, years of research and results. I say to my sister..."If it isn't double blind, random controlled I don't want to hear about it" but really....these people spend their LIFETIMES trying to help. Often at the expense of their families, their personal lifes and mental health.

I also have consulted naturopathic Doctors, herbalists and energy healers. I know that mainstream medicine is only a piece of the puzzle but it's a big one. Diagnostics, drugs, treatments, trials. They do save lives. So does Vitamin C. (Thank you Linus Pauling), Eurpoean Mistletoe, specialized nutrition protocols (Thank you Thomas Seyfried), Herbal tinctures (thank you indigenous people for your medicine) and energy healers (thank you universe for providing these gifted people who help us see how much bigger the world really is).

The point I'm trying to make here is I felt a little bit guilty for shitting on mainstream medicine for so long.

It made me think of this Covid vaccine.

Truth. They're muddling through the dark, like all scientists and inventors have for time immemorial. They don't know how this vaccine is going to pan out. Their intentions are good. They are humans, they see suffering and they want to help. I find it very hard to believe that all of these people and companies are developing these vaccines to sterilize and innoculate a global population. I see it as a job not yet completed. I will not be getting the vaccine. There's just not enough evidence for me yet. But I believe in the motivation behind it. I trust the intention. There's no huge conspiracy.

There is no "cure" for cancer. I mean there is. But it's a tough road. Revamp your whole life. Make ammends, eat cleanly, sleep well, drink clean water, exercise, no sugar, little meat. Even then....genetics plays a role.

Today I realized that we are all trying to help each other. NO one goes into business thinking. I'm going to kill people for money.(Ok maybe the cartels but that's for another blog) No doctor prescribes a drug thinking they are doing harm. No nutritionist suggests a diet thinking it will cause suffering. We are all trying to help.

Covid is a pain in the ass. It's killing people and no one is staying home. In order for me to leave home to travel to see my dad I'm subjecting my entire family to covid tests and quarantine before we arrive. Even then, we'll keep our distance. Covid is no joke. It's not a conspiracy. To be honest those of you who think it is have obviously never had someone die you love. You're like the smokers I see outside the hospital with the oxygen tanks. Blissfully unaware. Just pushing life to the limits thinking if and when you really need it, the healthcare system will be there to pick up the pieces.

You are relying on the population to save you. You are hoping your vitamin C and D levels are high enough, you're hoping it's mild if you get it but you aren't considering people who can't help but be succeptible.

I know it's Christmas and we all want to see eachother but there are ways to do it. Outside visits, socially distanced, masked. It's just one year. Be inventive.

This started as my story of being released by the pain management Doctor and somehow morphed into a rant about Covid but it is what it is. I don't know if you've noticed but I don't re read or spell check these blogs. If you see mistakes or spelling errors. You see them before me. It's just me barfing words onto a page.

Today I dropped off some individually wrapped nut free chocolates to each of my daughters schools with a note to the office and admin to thank them for thier work this year. Each day they show up, to a building full of asymptomatic superspreaders and continue to work. Each day they kept our kids safe and taught them about covid without scaring them. Each day they kept going.

To all the teachers and school admin who read this blog, thank you. You have been essential for my children these past 4 months, they have formed new relationships, they have had a sense of normalcy and they have learned a new way to live thanks to you.

I have so very much to be grateful for this holiday season. So much. We all do. We are lucky to live in a society, which, whether you agree or not....really does aim to do good.

We have doctors, scientists, teachers, nurses, emergency personnel, cashiers, delivery people, and so many more who care enough for us to keep our country going.

We're all one human family. I hope over the holidays we have a chance to reflect on this instead of entertaining the garbage about the vaccine being a hoax and a killer. It might not be ready.....this I agree with....but acknowledge that it's coming out from a place of good intentions and the people behind it just might not be in it just for the money.

Sure there are some bad apples, even the finest trees have them. Focus on the good, send the energy into the ether....the positive, the healing and the light. This is the season.

Hold in your mind an idea for 2021 that is wonderful.

Only then....do you deserve it.