***I wrote this blog a few days ago and forgot to post it. Here it is.
We knew it was coming. I'm no epidemiologist but I'm pretty sure the rising numbers is an indication that the methods employed currently aren't working. Today in Hamilton it was like the whole city was in a line in front of some store.
Usually there's a scramble before Christmas, the procrastinators who don't do their shopping, people who leave things to the weekend before, this...this is a whole other thing. It's not the toilet paper craze of early 2020 but it's something.
On Thursday I had to go for my Zoladex shot. Imagine a needle with the diameter of the ink shaft of a standard Bic ballpoint pen. I have to go to a special injection clinic once a month where nurses who are trained give the injections shoot me up. It takes about 20 seconds but let me assure you. It is not .... not painful. I've taken a lot of needles over the years and this one each month is by far the big daddy. I've read on some breast cancer sites that women actually choose to have their ovaries removed to avoid having this shot.
It lasts max 20 seconds. The reason why the needle is so big is because what's actually happening is a small little pill is being deposited into the subcutaneous fat of the stomach adjacent to the belly button. Luckily for me, I've gained some back. For a while there we had to pull at my skin to make a pouch, now I'm gaining weight back and some belly fat and it's easier to administer. Anyway, this pill desolves over the month.
The purpose of this drug is to completely suppress ovarian function. It prevents my ovaries from making estrogen and the drug I take everyday called exemestane is an Aromatase Inhibitor. Aromatase Inhibitors work by blocking an enzyme in fat tissue from changing other hormones into estrogen.
The more fat a woman has, the more likely she is to have excess estrogen, for some women the conversion of this estrogen is OK. For many it's not. This excess estrogen is converted into the bad estrogen and feeds potential cancer cells.
I've been asked by so many people lately...."why is breast cancer happening to everyone I know?" And it really is hitting so many women. Many more than before. The survival rates are slightly improving but the incidence of occurance is much higher.
Why....well....hormones in food, water and pesticides on vegetables screw with women's bodies. Stress causes a rise in cortisol which leads to improper hormone metabolism. Lack of sleep deprives the immune system of the means to patrol and control invaders to name a few. Women gain weight, they drink too much and they are chronically stressed. Incidence of fibrocystic breasts are higher and higher. Monitoring is minimal.
Wow, I had a little rant there. OK back to my original post. Back to me. LOL. Grey zone. I say Grey zone because after I have that shot my hormones are fucked. I'm in the grey. I don't feel like myself. I feel anxious, my bones ache, I can't sleep and I worry. I sweat so much last night while I was sleeping that when I woke up and got out of bed I saw a wet spot and actually had to sniff it to see if I had somehow peed the bed without knowing like a newborn. It was just sweat. TMI whatever.
Today I got some Serta Cool touch sheets. Funny thing was last night I opened the window and turned on the fan and crawled into bed. When Jason came to bed he was a popsicle. He put on a full hoodie and pants. It was like sleeping with the Unabomber. All I could see when I turned over was his nose and his pretty lips. :) The dude was freezing and I was sweating my brains out. I didn't fall asleep until 2am. I sweat the night through. I woke up feeling like garbage at 10am. Luckily Jason likes to sleep on the weekends when forced to snuggle so we slept in until noon. It doesn't happen often.
I got up and decided to go for a run. I knew it would be a tough one. The shot, the lack of sleep, the bones.....but....I got dressed and hit the road. The first few steps are the hardest. Like the first 200. After about 10-20 minutes your body knows if it's in the groove or if it's not a running day. It was a running day. When I run I imagine all my cells searching my body for cancer, I imagine my immune system growing stronger, I give thanks for the ability to move and I keep running. Today I hit 5K. There was a time when I would run 5K and think nothing of it.
Today I pushed past the grey and after grey is the white. The healing and the ease.
The only difference between grey and white is black. Remove it.
Think positively. Embrace home. Embrace now.
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